The Coil

There were times when I lost, ache, confuse and hollow.
I often throw a question,
"O God…I am in pain, where are You?’
"Why don’t You save me?"
"How could You spare me?"

There was time when I kneeling and looking down with tears.
"O God…I am in fear, where are You?"
"Why You leave me alone?"
"How could You abandon me?"

There was time when I flying down into the hole of uncertainty.
"O God…I am falling, where are You?"
"Why You far away?"
"How could You put me in this misery?"

Yet, I heard that voice….
Peaceful,
Holly,
Powerful,
Wise,
Kind,

Reaching out my soul as I standing at the edge

I am here,
In the corner of your heart,
If you just be patience and absorb

I always be here for you,
Only you seems to ignore,
The fact that I follow you like a shadowon night and day,
Then your  assumption that I lost you somehow,
Is a fault

I forever be here for you.
You reach me and I’ll  bear you more

Today I finished reading Angels and Demons by Dan Brown. I never felt such an emotion from other fiction books that I’ve read, but this book was awesome me  so much that I literally cried at the end. Science and religion are God’s shadows. God is there and religion together with  science are the evidence of God existence.
How much love that we store to God in our heart sometimes replace by our greed. Greed’s that somehow make us distance from God.

Angels and Demons is a book with brilliant idea to bring religion,history and  science together to give wake up call of my relations to God.
Have I missing God in my heart lately? Have I thank God for the life that God has given to me? Have I put some minutes to pray on God’s name? And so on…

There are kindness and evils inside of us. That is why God created us with brain and heart. To think and to feel, just like Angels and Demons.

I think men are more familiar with this three words: Pre Menstrual Syndrome a.k.a PMS and sometimes use it as a reason to stay way from their partner.
"Oh Honey…Since you are having your PMS..I better hang out with my pals at the bar…" Yadda..yadda…yadda….

What is PMS anyway?
PMS is the stage when woman  hormones level change usually happens one week or two weeks before their period. It’s affect any woman at any age. Almost 80% women who has their menstrual cycles suffers the symptoms. There is  no explanation what cause PMS, but here are many symptoms affect physical or mental state, for example: anxiety, depression, breast tenderness, mood swing, etc. The capability to cope with those symptoms is depend and different on every woman. It depends mostly on the lifestyle, for example woman who have under high  stress will suffer the symptoms worse. Woman who take care them self (ex. doing exercise, eat proper and balance food, active life far from stress), they likely suffer mild symptoms.
I, myself, don’t know how bad my PMS is, but I just know that when I close to my period cycle, I have bad mood swing.
The victims are vary…haha..most of the time are Phillip and Kaela.On my fine day, I wouldn’t care if their shoes or sandals are all over the place in the house, but when that mood swing come, I would scream,
"Phil….what the @#*! your shoes are doing here…." or
"Don’t touch me or I kick you …." or
" That is not funny at all, can you quit it???…………." or just talking quietly on my head whenever I see him around,
"Can you sit over there please, mmm…miles away from me because every time I see your face I want to punch you!!" or just weeps for silly song,’
"Waaaaaaaaaaaa…..waaaaaaaaaaaaa….."

Funny eh?

Sometimes Phillip response to my behavior make it worse. I wish that he knows that I was having my PMS by heart instead I tell him whatis going on me. But other times, I would say to him that better not to mess with me because I have my PMS cycle. I often thinks that PMSas a weakness of a woman….
It is not easy to tell a man who doesn’t experience PMS, which can cause the thought in their head  that you just use PMS as a reason to become Bitch of the day…hahahha!!
So, after I read a little bit information about PMS, I couldn’t more agree that you can’t fight the symptoms, I could change my lifestyle better to make the symptoms less severe, but if the PMS comes I will accept it as a part of how my body works.

Well…at some days when I am not working, I usually "hang out" with Kaela. Doing some errands around the house, outing for groceries, etc…I send Kaela for her nap at noon, and by that time I have time for myself….kind of nice.
My favorite spot at home is the sofa at living room which when I get the right angle I could have a nice outside view.

I usually lying on our fading green sage color sofa with a cup of hot tea or French Caramel coffee that me and Phil are eager to have at the moment since his mom gave the French Coffee maker on mother’s day to me. I would play some some songs….usually the soft one like I Will Fight No More (Peter Kater & Charlos Nakai) that I ripped from the CD which I borrowed from the Spa (don’t know what the album name is)….
On hot days, I would put the fan on, but when the weather is chilly I would have the blanket covers me up. I would read The New Yorker magazine that we subscribes every year…Not because is sound classy but The New Yorker article would range from Prada, Oriana Fallaci, Bill Gates, Global Warming, Leeches (yuck..!!), Da Vinci Code, Sweetener, Bird’s Scandal, a Chinese restaurant in Paris, ridiculous Tom Cruise on Shouts and Murmurs, Dog Whisperer, etc…..

When I’m in my relax mood, I would burn Lavender candle to light up my spirit. The bell from the table clock sometimes break the silence when the music is not playing but I would  keep on reading. Phillip  still have to adjust his ear to the sound of the bell that could be quite loud at night…the sound kind of Cinderella’s clock call when she was late to get home from the party when she met with her Prince for the first time…..Phillip parent’s gave the clock for his graduation present last month.

The birds are singing from the backyard, I could hear it clearly when I opened the window….It is nice to have a moment for my self from my favorite spot at home!!